FAKING THE ADVERTISEMENTS...

Every time I switch on the television and go through the newspaper I see these wondrously humorous and thought provoking advertisements.

They make me wonder each time about how very creative humans can be!

But hey! I am absolutely not saying that all of them are like this! Most of them are fake, unreal and super-useless.

One day while lazily surfing through the channels, I realized that almost every product advertisement that comes on television claims to be the #1 brand in India. It’s really confusing once you decide to choose your regular detergent powder or toothpaste on the basis of these fake commercials, you will never in your life come to a conclusion as to which brand is actually the better choice. Another fact about these fake advertisements which is actually hilarious once you think about it is that almost all of these are 99% germ free. They are never sure about that one naughty bacterium that manages to escape somehow.

One morning my eyes fell upon the toothpaste tube which claimed to give me 99% dazzling white smile...now what it actually meant to say is still a huge puzzle to me, maybe it meant that after using it there will only be 1% section somewhere between my 32 teeth where the yellow plaque will accumulate!

So, moral of the story is that if you want to claim something and also ensure that the customers don’t start dancing on your head then put the 99% tag which always serves as the cake walk to quick escape!

These folks also love to give their customers time-bound challenges “1-day slimming course”, “two-week challenge” are some of the famous lines. Well if such a thing would really be there then half of us wouldn’t have been going for a daily struggle on the treadmill. And Miss. Earth wouldn't be worried about her increasing weight which is mainly because she contains homosapien society with constantly accelerating obesity problem.

List of these ugly facts about advertisements doesn't end here....well, I'm off to search for that 1% non-dazzling-white-section in my teeth.

Till then keep smiling and pondering but only 99%!

A LOONY’S DEFINITION OF CLEAN

Mr. Modi has once again proved himself…

People are focusing more on the ‘clean’ aspect for country’s overall development. Although, the number of concerned people is increasing but still these people have not been able to overpower the everlasting herd of morons who rule the country by making dirt everywhere.

A few days back, I went use the washroom in a mall. A lady was standing there with her small daughter (must be 5 or less). She asked her daughter to pee on the floor…I was knocked for six, I said abruptly “why don’t you ask her to sit on the commode!!??

She said showing off all her intelligence “oh you know…she will get dirty sitting on it…plus, it will go down the drain…so, don’t worry!”

“Oh yeah, she will get dirty but the floor won’t” I said to myself. I think that lady was in a misconception that her urine had floor cleaning capacity instead of ammonia!

There are other irrational beings who consider streets their washrooms as public toilets are too unhygienic for them.

And throwing the garbage in the roadside dustbin is never an option for these people as they feel very lazy when they have to cover some distance to throw the garbage, but astonishingly this laziness just flies away when they see the board of  70% sale outside a shop…its quite funny, but human nature always has been a mystery to humans themselves!

In India another outrageous belief exists that mess cleaners are filthy, and mess makers are so called ‘clean. These mess makers are made up of sanitizing agents which work 24/7. We make the mess and they clean our poop, our daily waste and still WE ARE THE ONE’S WHO ARE CALLED CLEAN AND ‘HUMANE’ IN THE SOCIETY.

By the way, you must have surely noticed some proud pet owners taking their dog on a strode down the road and happily making it poop anywhere it wants.
They say to their pet “honey, see you’re so lucky, your owner is stinking rich! He has brought the whole wide world for you to release your waste material in! Even bill gates doesn’t has a place like this!”.

I suppose taking a small poly bag and a dustpan while taking your pet for a nice walk neither will harm you nor your dog or its mistaken toilet.

While some have welcomed the winds of change with open hands, others are still not ready to break down their brick houses. Social conventions still exist and they are like that worm on the beautiful rose plant which is striving hard to growing up.

We have to together work to stop these wrong beliefs that live with us…don’t sit down doing nothing, living on the hope of reconstruction.

TWEAK THE CONVENTIONS…AND IT’S YOUR DUTY TO MAKE SOME SANITIZED LOONIES OUT THERE MAKE THEM AWARE OF ‘THEIR DUTY’.

SELF ACTUALIZATION OR SELF-ISH ACTUALIZATION???

Are you self-actualized yet?

If not then better be, because almost everyone is well aware of their potentialities nowadays.

Some say they were born to dance,

Some say they were born to sing,

Some say they were born to act,

And some say they were born to take selfies….

Well today, we are going to have a closer look on this category of remarkably shocking people who took birth on planet earth with the objective of taking selfies.

These people who claim to be kings and queens of some imaginary selfie kingdom take their selfie through a strictly supervised refining process, have a look….

First, they click hundreds of selfies for half of the day

Then, they surf through these selfies in the photo gallery for about an hour or two

And, end up deleting 99 out of them…

Stare at that last photo for about half an hour and then finally decide to edit it out…

Upload that processed and purified selfie with fingers-crossed…

Keep checking for updates like an owl the whole night...

And after getting two likes and one comment, they heartily acknowledge those three people with philanthropic qualities ….

MISSION- ‘POST SELFIE ONLINE’ STRIKED-OFF FROM THE TO-DO-LIST… yippee!

Think I am hyperbolizing? Not at all! This fact is so genuine that it can even be published in RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT! 

POUT is the new innovation in this selfie era according to which you have to make an expression as if you just have gobbled up a stinking sock down your throat…

This technique is quite famous with some young ladies out there. Although, I am also a young lady but I really don’t enjoy posing in-front of the camera like this…

Now you can call this picture a bit hyperbolic! If you just reduce that piggy pout by a centimeter or two and bring those humongous eyes to a moderate level you’ll get the stinking sock pout….like this one, ditto!…

Now you can choose between the sock pout and the pig pout…completely up to you!

‘The invention of front faced camera and selfie stick has taken this self-ish craze to the next level’ I always thought. But, after I came across this site, I realized that I knew nothing about this craze so far…

Visit- 6 signs the selfie craze has gone too far and get ready to be shocked by the heights self-absorption and various new inventions which are promoting this nutty trend furthermore…..

Some days back, while surfing on the internet I found this news online which said that a Saudi teen recently clicked a selfie with his late grandfather on his death bed…despicable! Here’s the picture….

Where will we land with this worthless craze?

A time when we would find something as sorrowful as this funny? Looks like we have already reached that stage…

And it’s not about selfies! It’s about being self-obsessed all the time and not caring even an atom about what’s happening with others.

If we don’t take a control over this real soon, we are sure to land in a messier situation.

HALLOWEEN AT EIGHT!!!

I had to keep the sarcasm business at bay for this post. Actually, for days (in fact, almost a year!) one strange thing has been disturbing me. And that strange thing is just a mere alarm….Shocked? Me too!

We have a small touch screen phone which works perfectly well but every time the clock strikes 8:00 PM it gives out that tan-tan-tanan-tanan sound, and it never stops till we press on to the stop button for about 10-15 seconds…I know this is not strange, I mean, this happens with every other alarm that you set on your phone.

But the ghostly part of the story is that we never set that alarm! And when I went to alarms icon all the alarms were turned off! Still, I deleted all the alarms, reminders, check-list reminders, timers and almost everything I was capable of deleting…just to be 101% sure.

The next thing I did was to grin and wait eagerly for the clock to strike eight.

But alas! That broad grin was destined to fade away as the relentless tan-tan-tanan-tanan again made its way out of that irksome device.

Irritated, I picked up the phone and pressed that reset-settings button. Every setting in the phone was reset from sound settings to call settings…EVERYTHING!

With some hope left I waited for next day…what happened?

NOTHING!

That silly thing beeped again…

After experimenting with it a hundred more times I had no choice left but to surrender...

I noticed some days back that it displays ALARM 3; 6:30 PM on the screen when that thing beeps. When all the alarms are deleted and settings are restored then how come alarm 3? And what does 6:30 PM mean anyway? 

Huh…

Whatever…

The thing is, that we are helpless. Every day at 8 we have to run like morons all around the house in search of that mobile to stop that beeping sound…

PLEASE go through your phone directories and dig out the number of R.L Stine or Mr. Sherlock homes from somewhere.

Only they can help me to solve this freakish mystery now…

OH NO! NOT AGAIN! This is driving me nuts!

Its 8:00 PM!

Got to rush…

WE DAMN DON’T CARE…!

“Oh! Actually, that day my dolly didn’t even touch her plate! She was making those awful faces…I couldn’t stand that. I mean, it’s very important for her to have her meals at time. At last, I gave up and brought maggi noodles for her…that Rs.10 packet was for Rs.50! So costly! But children are always my priority…he...he…” said a caring mother who fed her daughter on lead and MSG just because little dolly wasn’t ready to have her lunch! Moral- ‘feeding your child on poison is much better than letting them skip a meal’… totally outrageous! And unfortunately, this incidence is true…some people just don’t care...do they? They think maybe those people are morons who have put a ban on maggi noodles and it’s just like another hypocritical speech given by the politicians.
Who is being a moron here?

Narendra Modi, one of the most trending politicians, led a cleanliness campaign because of which some insane folks like me think twice before losing their grip to throw an ice-cream stick on the ground… but I also got the chance to meet some supremely ‘sane’ people who love comfortable life. Throwing a big cardboard box down a small public drain and throwing a packet of chips out of the car window are some examples of their overflowing sanity. I know, I don’t have the guts to speak up and make them a little insane like the rest of us but my mom knows the job just perfectly! 
Some time back, in a supermarket my mother was standing at the billing counter and an ill-fated lady was standing just in front of her relishing a vanilla ice-cream. As my mother predicted, she threw her tissue paper on the floor and then my bold woman spoke up… ‘People like you only make our country dirty and then say that all those cleanliness drives were just a piece of crap, pick that up now!’. After suffering from a shock she obediently picked up the tissue and threw it in the dustbin.

 I just hope that she must have got her own little epiphany moment after meeting my mother! 

Often I see those ads in the newspapers and T.V requesting people to pay house tax and income tax. Still these people who own black money excluding their high income don’t show up when it’s time to pay their taxes. Then these people also curse the government for increasing service tax and railway fare; their instant verdict will always be - “oh! That new government is good for nothing”… have they ever figured out where the government will get money from? They want free primary education and free libraries; don’t they understand that politicians don’t sponsor their money for the country?

Don’t eat Maggi noodles, don’t litter around, please pay your taxes on time and GO ON, BREAK SOME RULES (some only!) AND HAVE FUN! 

WORDS IN TROUBLE!

Internet was invented to make virtual communication possible, but now that objective is gradually strangling languages and making life hell for some people like me who stay in a cocoon and are still unknown to internet abbreviations. This is the reason why I had to spend about half an hour researching on the internet before writing this post…I’m not that genius you know!

I have not joined facebook yet and one of the main reasons behind it is the maddening short forms people are using nowadays. About one year back, I joined a social networking site just to try my hands on it. Just as I expected, the experience was pathetic! It had chat room system, I started chatting to a girl and this is how our conversation followed…

Cracxqueen76- sup?  (What’s up?)

Quite confused I answered after a minute or two.

Me- sup? What’s “sup”?

Cracxqueen76- fine…wbu? sup?  (Fine… what about you? What’s up?)

Me- sorry, I totally can’t understand what you are trying to say!

Cracxqueen76- oh! thos r jst ABBR’s… (Those are just abbreviations)

Me- I think I must get offline. My head is paining already. Anyways, nice to meet you!

Cracxqueen76- wut? Y?  (What? Why?)

I quickly rushed for that red Cross up there at the right side of the screen…phew! After that I didn’t open that site for days. I mean, what else could you expect from a girl who knew nothing except LOL? But really, we need to ask ourselves if this is what we are going to pass on to our future generations. A research performed by Amanda Lenhart showed that almost two-third of the children in the states used internet abbreviations while doing homework…what more are we waiting for?

Now, lets look at the transformation of the largely used sentence “What are you doing?”

It was too long for chats so people devised… “What’s goin’ on?”

Then, “what’s up?”

When people still couldn’t stand the load of this weak and undernourished question, they zeroed to… “Sup?”

BREAKING NEWS- recently it has been reported that some young and dedicated scientists are trying to break this 3-lettered question into something simpler, so that chatting becomes easier and faster than before…three cheers to easy and revolutionized communication… hip, hip…Hooray!

If this shortcut culture continues then soon a lesson called “abbreviations” will be added to English grammar books along with the old and conventional lessons like verbs, nouns, adjectives etc…Oh my god! That thought is really dreadful!

Oh! I can’t stand it anymore! These short forms could prove to be blight on the purity of languages. I think I would like to grab a nice English literature classic with my hot cappuccino. That may just calm me down for now.